Monday, July 12, 2010

How Twilight Should Have Gone Down

Though shamed by the fact, I must admit that I have read the entire Twilight book series by Stephanie Meyer, twice.  From Twilight to Breaking Dawn, I've plumbed the depths of these literary masterpieces and have been left wanting more, much more.  You see, after I read through them it struck me that these millennium-old vampires lacked any sort of creativity or improvisation when it came to fighting other vampires.  Under the rules established by Meyer, vampires in her universe are only vulnerable to being dismembered by the teeth of certain creatures (vampires and werewolves) or being burned by intense fire.  Also of import, you have to understand that when a vampire is dismembered they don't die but their different parts live on and even strive to reunite with their other parts.  After I realized these facts my mind began to envision how the Twilight world would have been if I had written it and has prompted me to write this blog and share with you the introduction of my book High Noon: Alexander the Demon Blade

Introduction:

     It was late.  It was usually late when I made the quick walk back to my apartment, but I stayed out later than usual that night having a few extra beers with the regulars down at Mike's.  As I cut through the alley between 1st and 2nd street, I felt a chill run up my spine.  I had the distinct feeling that there was someone watching me.  I tried to ignore the feeling but as I walked on I heard the sound of foot steps behind me.  At least I thought I did.  I turned to look over my shoulder but no one was around. 
     "Hey!  Who's there?"
Everything was quiet.
     "Get a hold of yourself Alex."
I turned to go then jumped back startled, tripping over an upturned garbage can.  Someone was there, a giant of a man standing no more than 10 feet in front of me, directly in my path.  He had to be over seven feet tall, though it was hard to tell from my position on the ground, and built like a line backer.
     "Hey buddy! You scared the hell out of me!"
     The stranger was silent as he approached and stood over me.  There was something about the way he moved that made this man seem ominous.  His gait was too smooth, almost cat like.  This observation was unnerving in itself, but then he spoke.
     "You people are so pathetic."
The voice wasn't like anything I had ever heard.  It was dark and clear with a musical quality.  Beautiful and terrifying, I prayed that I'd never hear it again.  It wasn't my night.
     "Hahaha! Alright little worm, it's time for you to die."
He took a step forward reaching down and grabbed me by the throat.  His movements were so fast that it was hard to follow them.  I was in shock as I was lifted off the ground.  He pulled my neck towards his open mouth and glistening teeth.  All I could do was stare at his blood red eyes as he slowly drew me toward a terrible end.
     Just then the stranger stopped dead, motionless for a moment before dropping me back into the safety of the garbage pile.  As I recovered from my fall I looked up to see the man, that had only  moments before promised me death, standing with his back to me in a defensive position as if protecting me from something.  That's when I saw the other guy.
     No more than a shadow at the end of the alley, I could barely make him out past my one time attacker.  I could tell that he was of average build and height, much smaller than my new friend the giant, and he was casually strolling towards us whistling.  As he came closer the giant began to growl like some kind of beast, but this newcomer continued undeterred, as if all of this was perfectly normal.
     When the newcomer came within 30 feet of us the giant couldn't take anymore.  His voice clear and strong as ever he said,
     "That's close enough!  This is my kill friend. Go find your own."
I was less than thrilled that my defender apparently still planned on ending me, but I had little time to dwell on that minor detail.  I could make out the new stranger's face now and, as the giant finished speaking, he came to a stop and a smile spread across his face.  His jet black eyes never left the giant as he slowly pulled a shotgun out of his coat.
     "HAHA!! And WHAT do you plan on doing with THAT?"
The giant seemed unimpressed with the newcomer's street sweeper as he, still laughing, took two steps forward.  On the second step however, the newcomer raised the barrel and squeezed off a deafening blast.  I turned and took cover, shielding my face from the shot.  I missed what happened next, but I'll never forget what I heard.  There was a sound like rending metal and a piercing scream.  As I turned to look the first thing I saw was a white stump of leg laying on the ground in front of me.  There was no blood, only a spray of what looked like pieces of bone.  I thought that was strange but, looking up, I was distracted from this little puzzle by the newcomer who was now pulling the largest sword I've ever seen from a sheath strapped to his back.  The blade was five feet long and the edges glimmered white under the street lamps.  It didn't look like any sword I'd seen in the movies.  This sword was the silver color of steel down the middle but the edges were lined with what looked like teeth.  Razor sharp and glistening teeth.
     The giant, still screaming, was crawling like some sort of wounded animal as fast as he could away from the newcomer, but he and I both knew it wouldn't be fast enough.  The newcomer sprinted at the giant quicker than any man I'd ever seen and kicked him under the ribs, flinging him like a rag doll into the side of the building across the alley from where I was laying.  As the giant fell in a shower of brick and mortar he turned to defend himself.  He raised his arms and screamed as the the newcomer swung his giant blade.  He handled the giant sword as if it were light as a feather, and as the blade made contact with the giant's upraised hands, I heard that same metal-rending sound again as the sword cleanly sliced through both of his arms continuing towards the giant's screaming, gaping mouth, splitting his head sideways through the middle of his skull.
     I continued to lay in my pile of trash unable to speak or move as this sword wielding barbarian neatly dismembered the giant's body making the sounds of a terrible metal-tearing symphony, placing the giants head into a bag and the rest of him into a dumpster near my pile.  He came closer to me and I scrambled away, knowing that I was about to end up just like the giant, but the barbarian ignored me.  He scraped up the leg and all of the little white pieces of what looked like bone or rock and threw them into the dumpster with the rest of the headless giant.  The barbarian quickly put his sword away and dusted off his hands, wiping them on his pants then pulled a road flare from his pocket, ignited it, and threw it into the dumpster.  As he turned towards me, he began to whistle again as a fireball erupted from the dumpster behind him filling the alley with orange light and a thick smoke. 
     The barbarian walked toward me and I was once again frozen in fear.  As he stood over me like the giant had done only moments before, he smiled and reached his hand down to help me up.  I grabbed his hand and as he pulled me out of my garbage mound the barbarian looked strait into my eyes and asked me the question that would change my life forever.
     "Well Alexander, how would you like to live forever?"

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